From very early on, babies begin to learn that they can manipulate one part of their environment--their parents. Jean Piaget, an influential cognitive psychologist, perceived a child's image as an "active scientist" who forms complex thought strategies as he or she or interacts with the physical environment (Craig 41). Once babies understand that someone will come to their rescue when they begin to cry, they will test their newfound theory every chance they get. Their initial attempts may be throwing a toy out of their crib or playpen, then crying because they want it back. Mom picks it up and gives it back. Baby again throws it out as soon as Mom is not looking, an action repeated until either Baby is bored or Mom is disgusted. This behavior becomes more creative as the baby gets older and wiser.
Even very small children can be clever when they're trying to stay up past their bedtime. Beginners are apt to stick with the basics such as: "I have to go to the bathroom" or "I'm thirsty." This can become very aggravating to parents. They may want to deal with this type of excuse with a nightly ritual before putting their children to bed, but soon the children are ready to move up to more advanced ploys. These can include "I forgot to get my (fill in the blank)" or "I heard a noise in my closet." Parents should also be prepared for surprises such as: "Where do babies come from?" or "When does God sleep if he's always watching over me?" Children know that such questions will usually catch parents off-guard. Actually, most children realize when they've reached their limits on any given night. When summoned, parents with absolutely no patience left will arrive gasping "WHAT NOW!?!" And there is the child: smiling innocently and with outstretched arms, looking up at them with pure adoration. "I love you so much that I wanted to give you another kiss." This stunt will work every time. However, when parents leave the room feeling warm all over, the child is probably spiking her teddy bear and doing a dance of joy all over the bed, once again savoring a victory.
Mealtime can be another source of conflict--both at home and away. The major bone of contention at home is frequently the menu. One day, they like asparagus, squash, or mushrooms; the next day it is "Eww, yuck!" In order to get out of eating these "icky" things, children have three techniques, the more intense their dislike, the more drastic their approach. Chewing the same bite over and over is one way to look busy. Parents may not notice right away, but they will usually catch on soon enough. Their next step is coughing and gagging on that horrible substance they've chewed to mush. The first few times they try this tactic, it will usually send parents into a panic. After that, most parents can discriminate the put-on from a real emergency. If all else fails and they still can't brave eating those dreadful brussel sprouts, they'll claim their little bellies are full. Of course, if fudge ripple ice cream is served ten minutes later, hunger will miraculously return. With all this in mind, many parents will still undertake a family dinner out. Throwing caution to the wind, parents may choose a casual family establishment such as Ryan's or Athen's Pizza House. Most kids cannot sit still while waiting for their food. They loudly clank their spoons, nervously wriggle their limbs, and rudely slurp their drinks. If the next table's food arrives first, kids will announce for all to hear: "HEY, how come they got their food before we did?" Furthermore, they have no qualms about proclaiming their preference for McDonald's or Chuck E. Cheese's. These are suitable eateries for children; however, parents may need a sedative upon departure.
Planning a shopping trip with kids in tow can strike fear into many parents. Children smell this fear. They have a sixth sense for knowing that public places are a whole new ball game. The embarrassment that overwhelms a parent will feed a child's courage, creating a monster. Whether it's powdered-sugar doughnuts, the latest Superman comic, or Glitter Beach Barbie, kids will stop at nothing if there's a chance to get the goods. "I came, I saw, I conquered" is their motto. If crying and whining won't get them their little heart's desire, perhaps a full-blown temper tantrum will. Breath-holding, feet-stomping, and name-calling are designed not only to draw attention to the child, but to the parent also. Wise parents will stand their ground and not give in no matter how many strangers give them dirty looks. If they surrender just to avoid a scene, there is no hope this scenario will ever change. Mail order catalogs, grocery delivery, and the Home Shopping Network may be their only option.
Children cannot resist the immense possibilities presented when Mom or Dad get on the telephone. Mom is usually their target, but Dad will not be left out and forgotten. Like Pavlov's pooches, the ringing of the bell triggers involuntary responses. An unknown force guides their actions, fueled either by intense jealously, or simply by a desire to seize the opportunity. The importance of the call is directly proportional to the number of interruptions kids conjure up. They will climb furniture, demand food, and raise the roof. It's a dare to stop this free-for-all. A five minute conversation can be stretched to thirty--an hour if the caller has children competing for her attention, also. There really is not much you can do, except disconnect your phone for a couple of years.
At some point, most children discover the age-old strategy of "divide and conquer." Pitting parents against each other saves time and trouble. Mom says he can't keep that dog that followed him home. So off to Dad he goes, and Dad says yes. Parents want to appear as the ultimate authority, both as individuals and as a unit. The problem is that their opinions have not clashed. While both may have legitimate reasons for their decision, someone is going to have to back down. In this case, the parent who had the first word should have the last word. The confusion this can cause is a major, albeit temporary, distraction from the child. Once Mom and Dad get to the bottom of it and find out just what the child has tried to pull, they will probably have to find him first. During this stage, perhaps all questions should be referred to a "designated parent."
Having more than one child can add a whole new dimension to the picture. Who left the front door open? Who jammed the VCR? Who broke the Kentucky Derby ashtray? Whatever the deed, someone else has always done it. Finding out the truth can be as futile as looking for that lost sock in the dryer. There are a couple of approaches that parents may want to try. If parents offer amnesty to everyone, no matter who did it, the guilty party may fess up. The other side is to punish everyone no matter who did it. Sometimes, even these tactics won't work. A parent may have to resort to extreme measures such as: "Oh my, I guess I'll have to call the police. They'll want to take fingerprints, just in case someone broke in." This one is guaranteed to get results. The child (or children, if it's a conspiracy) with frightened eyes who squeaks, "The police?" is certainly the culprit.
Most children have an assortment of versatile shenanigans "for any occasion" at their disposal. Most often these tactics are used when children are caught unprepared. Kids don't even have to think about it--it is second nature. Feigning illness to change the subject includes phantom headaches, pseudo-coughs, and malingering weakness. If Mom thinks her "baby" is sick, she'll forget all about that messy room. Another universal play is ignorance, so don't tell kids that ignorance is no excuse; they think it is a very good one, indeed. How can they get in trouble if they didn't know you can't cut your little sister's hair? Maybe they didn't know Fluffy the cat doesn't want to be bathed in the toilet? Finally, assigning guilt to a parent is one of the strongest weapons a child has. If a parent has done something the children do not like, they'll let'em have it with both barrels. "Johnny's mom lets him stay up late--Everyone else has a Supernintendo but me--You don't love me as much as your other kids" are a few examples. Placing guilt is one skill that will be honed and perfected well into the teenage years and beyond.
Almost all children will try these and many other tricks on their parents. It is usually not a sign that they are disturbed or need psychological attention. It is perfectly normal for them to test their boundaries. In fact, it is important for children to realize that they can control certain aspects of their lives and that they are not completely helpless. God may have had this in mind when he decided that children (as well as puppies and kittens) would be adorable. Most parents feel that the aggravation of raising children is minute compared to the joys. Besides, most parents can relish the thought that one day, their children will have children of their own--maybe even five, just like them.
Work Cited
Craig, Grace. Human Development. 6th ed. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice Hall. 1992.