The bell rings, and the halls come alive with the slams of lockers, the voices of hundreds of students, and the shuffling of thousands of pairs of feet. Back packs, lunch pails, and gym bags clutter the aisles of the classroom as everybody scurries to his or her seat. The grinding of pencil sharpeners and the squealing noises of the intercom float through the stuffy classrooms while students shuffle through their notebooks, loose papers, and folders. As the teacher prepares to take roll, the chattering students fall silent at the sound of the tardy bell.
Whereas most students undergo such an experience in their educational careers, some students don't pay much attention to such minute details. The student body of every school varies in such areas as self-determination, motivation, and responsibility. According to such differences, pupils can be divided into six very distinct sub-groups. Study habits, priorities, opinions, and view points are all factors that enhance the degree of diversity between each unique category of students.
1. Overachievers: These students are known for going out of their way in order to impress their teachers and transcend other pupils. Having some sort of perfect intuition implanted in their gene pool, these students type homework, color graphs, look up extra information, and bring an assortment of paraphernalia as little "extras" to class. When asked to sketch a picture for their art class, these students whip out their color palettes and paint masterpieces that would astonish even Picasso and Monet. With eyesight like that of the Spotted Owl, these diehard perfectionists probe through their work to insure that there aren't any intolerable faux pas, such as stray pencil marks, undotted i's, or uncrossed t's. These pupils make sure that their assignments, whether a homework lesson or major project, surpasses all others in the class. It's a wonder that they aren't teaching the class themselves!
2. Brown Nosers: These students are born with a knack to con a teacher in any form or fashion, at anytime and in any place. From their first days of primary school to their high school graduation, these kids spend as much time as possible becoming "buddies" with their instructors. Through conversations about foreign affairs or the newest type of rubbermaid tupperware, these little con-artists use their ingenious talents to wrap teachers around their little finger. Coming to class early in order to chat about the latest t.v. show, the weather, or the teacher's sick cat is just one example of their infinite brown-nosing strategies. These students make comments on how lovely the teacher looks or how great the teacher's outfit matches his or her eyes. After class, they are often caught calling the teacher by a first name or commenting on how "intellectually stimulating" the class was.
These students are so obsessed with doing as little as possible that they will do or say almost anything to impress the teacher. On exam day, they come to school looking like a cross between the Pillsbury dough boy and Julia Childs. Their book bags are filled with an assortment of fruits, pastries, and chocolates. They balance covered dishes in their hands as they approach their professors. After presenting this nine course meal, the test is no worry for these kids. Knowing that they are going to score at least a B+, these students just kick back and draw pictures of naked women and sailboats on their multiple choice answer sheets.
As masters of the mind, these pupils have conned their way through their careers as students. Throughout their days of education, these kids have slithered up to their teachers and entwined them around their pinky fingers. Due to their trickery, they are branded by other students as none other than the infamous "teachers' pets." This group has also been referred to as "joined at the hips with the teacher" or "the teacher's second shadow." Regardless of what others say about them, these students still learn the tricks of the trade and barely bat an eye as they pass from one grade level to the next without any complications.
3. Nerds: These students have been stereotyped as hybrids of a Yuppie and a Banjo-faced wimp. They are noted for having very distinguishing characteristics, such as heavy black-rimmed glasses with a hint of self-repair, a pocket protector made of vinyl, a geeky haircut that shows their sizable craniums, and high-water pants that swallow their entire midsection. Even though this physical description doesn't fit all nerds, most seem to have an aura of geekiness about them. A true "nerd" would never be caught dead without a calculator, a note pad, and a pocket calendar. They have a Radio Shack Gold Card and will perish without a constant supply of batteries, color film, and computer disks. So, if you are ever in desperate need of a nerd to figure out your physics homework, just visit any book store, library, science lab, or pen protector yard sale and you will succeed in locating one.
"Yet, these students are responsible for the advancing technologies of the world and provide the trickle of brains in an ocean of brawn" (Wilen and Wilen 27). When they aren't creating a particle-beam accelerator or polishing up on their analytical geometry, they research information about a distant relative to the Venus Fly trap, the theories of Quantum physics, or the genetic make-up of DNA. These are the pupils who win "The Lifetime Hall Pass" and the "The Twelve-Year Perfect Attendance" awards. Making less than an "A" is considered a cardinal sin by the Honor Society "Nerd" Club, and severe punishment would include confiscation of their pocket protectors and a suspended library card.
4. Worry Warts: These scholars worry day in and day out about everything and anything. They have such a high stress level that their blood pressure on a good day is 190 over 60. Setting their alarm clocks two hours early, wearing the next day's clothes to bed, and eating breakfast the night before isn't anything unusual for these students. They are so concerned about missing the bus or being late for school that they go through painstaking chores to insure punctuality at the bus stop.
These students sweat, cry, gnaw off their fingernails, twist their hair (that is if they have long enough hair), and bite their upper lip during any sort of graded assignment. After a test, they make a beeline to the teacher's desk and ask the traditional question, "Will you grade my test?" If the teacher declines, these worry-stricken students, who are almost numb from lethal amounts of stress, stagger out of the room to find their friends.
Once these students catch up with their comrades, they latch onto the dreaded subject, the previous examination. They continually hound their friends about the text of the test. They wail about how they have failed and how their academic life is completely ruined, and they complain, whine, snivel, and whimper for hours about their earlier performance. They work themselves into a frenzy of frantic distress only to find out that they have passed with an A.
5. Bullies: Every school, whether private or public, always has a group of students, who are nothing more than a throng of overgrown punk kids that browbeat any student that comes within a twelve-foot radius of them. They rummage throughout the hallways and lurk in the dark corners awaiting unsuspecting, innocent prey. This category of students consists of Grateful Dead freaks and Heavy Metal fanatics, whose conversations are about left hooks, right jabs, and any other tricks that can help them improve their tyrannizing techniques. They thrive off violence, disorder, and chaos. Beating up, mangling, and dismembering someone is a daily requirement and a form of entertainment for these ill-mannered ruffians.
Personal hygiene isn't a very important factor to these misguided juveniles. Old soiled T-shirts and ripped jeans are the extent of their wardrobes. To complement their outfits, they often have a wide variety of accessories, such as spiked collars, black- leather jackets, brass knuckles, and heavy black boots. Due to brawls and fights, it is extraordinarily remarkable if any of these students still has at least three-fourths of his original teeth. Their rough physical appearance, brute-like manner, and crude attitude help them to forge reputations of being big, bad, brazen machines of steel that could rip someone's head off in the blink of an eye.
6. Slackers: Coming to class and being on time is a rarity for this category of students. When these kids do decide to peel away from their beloved Super Nintendos and venture to school, they arrive in the classroom without any of the needed supplies for their academic activities. They are as carefree as the wind, and responsibility isn't a word in their personal word bank.
Within seconds of their derrières' hitting the wooden desk seat, they are completely consumed by the sleep god and experience symptoms of drowsiness, weariness, and grogginess. With drool running down their chins and snoring that would wake Elvis from his grave, these kids sleep through lectures, films, and guest speakers. Having some sort of internal radar that is able to sense a nearing teacher, they are able to slowly reposition themselves in their chairs and furtively conceal the drool spots, which have collected on their desk tops. What a talent!
When it is time to turn in assignments, their homework always has been "eaten by the dog," confiscated by some alien from the Planet X, or miraculously blown up by a devious younger sibling. However, when they decide to do their assignments, the magnitude of their effort includes scribbled, jumbled-up words, and stray marks covering a frayed piece of notebook paper. Their main reasons for coming to school are to catch up on sleep, to socialize with their friends, or to hide from the local police. They express their disgust with school by bursting out, "When will I ever use this in the real world?" or by constructing paper B2 bombers and launching them in class. These pupils don't care about school policies, rules, and discipline. Their only goal and main source of satisfaction in school is being the notorious "class rebel."
All these students color the hallways, playgrounds, libraries, and labs of any and every school throughout the country, continent, and world. They add spice, charisma, and adventure to the blandness of social life. Without the personality, character, disposition of all these students, we would surely be lost in the monotonous educational institutions of the planet.
Work Cited
Wilen, Joan, and Lydia Wilen. The Total Nerd Handbook. New York: Pioneer Communications Network, 1984.