We were born to develop it intuitively. As we progressed through each phase of our lives, it went through many adjustments and, at times, seemed to fade away completely. We learned to depend on it to help us make many of our most important decisions. It enabled us to have confidence not only in others, but in ourselves as well. This vital, ever-changing element of our personalities is trust. Of all our capacities as human beings, our ability to trust is one of the most fundamental and volatile components of our individuality.
As infants and small children, we depended on our parents to provide all of our basic needs like food, clothing, love, and knowledge. Assuming those needs were met, we quickly developed an unconditional trust in our care givers because we believed in what was familiar, comforting, and reliable. When we learned to verbalize our thoughts and comprehend our elders, for the most part, we did not dispute what our mothers or fathers told us. If we were told there was a Santa Claus, then we believed he existed. When we stood at the edge of a swimming pool, and our fathers held out their arms to us, we were confident we would not be dropped if we leapt into those arms. Due to this established trust, we did not challenge what our parents told us. However, in spite of all our discipline, a dichotomy introduced itself. Our parents instructed us at a young age not to talk to strangers; yet we were also expected to have respect for our elders and not to question authority. Most of us learned to conform even though we did not fully comprehend the reasons for doing so. We were young and innocent and had not yet experienced the consequences of misguided faith.
Between the ages of six and eighteen, a vast number of changes took place in terms of our loyalties. As we entered school and encountered the thoughts and opinions of those other than our parents, our faith began to shift. We were introduced to peers, teachers, books, and a whole new sense of reality. In history class we learned about wars and read about dictators. As we watched a television commercial for Sassoon jeans, we truly believed we were not "in" unless we, too, wore them. This attitude was reinforced by other children in a very effective way.
Our first friendships developed in childhood and from them, peer groups formed. Of all the new influences we were confronted with, we held the most regard for our peers. Although, in theory, our parents were still worthy of our trust, in practice our friends were the recipients of it. Pleasing them became more essential than pleasing our mothers and fathers for one basic reason. We believed who our friends were, and how many we had reflected our importance as human beings. In fact, popularity became so material that, at times, our desire to achieve it clouded our basic values and common sense. The obvious examples of this behavior were drug use, underage drinking, truancy, and even theft. Most of us did not really begin to trust our own judgment until our late teens. Instead, we were, for all practical purposes, caught in limbo between believing in our family values and those of our peers.
As we entered into adulthood, whom we held faith in became a much more complex issue. In our late teens and early twenties, a new social awareness presented itself. The unconditional trust we had in our peer group faded as we began to focus more on individual character. Family relationships were renewed as a result of maturity; therefore, we no longer viewed our parents as "the enemy." Our personal experiences and values became important factors in determining whom we trusted and distrusted, and, today, we use our conclusions to aid us in making many critical decisions. We settle down and marry someone whom we not only love, but trust as well. We choose everything from friends to political candidates based primarily on whether we believe them to be truthful or not.
If an incident in our lives results in our losing faith in someone or something, it affects us a great deal. As we experience today's hardships, it is not difficult to understand why we sometimes say, "You can't trust anybody these days." This feeling often comes from experiencing or witnessing an array of immoralities. We see homeless people in the streets and lose faith in a government that would allow it to continue. We see innocent children being abused and murders being committed and begin to feel we can't rely on law enforcement to protect us. There is political corruption, theft, rape, and infidelity, among many other atrocities, all which assist in destroying our trust in basic humanity. The more we are victimized by these injustices, the more likely we are to be permanently affected by them.
However, in spite of the adversity that may often overwhelm us, there is still good reason to have faith in mankind. With each transgression, there is benevolence to match it. Many caring people volunteer their time and energy to help the less fortunate. Courageous bystanders come to the aid of crime victims. We place our lives in the hands of surgeons, firemen, and airline pilots each day, and most of these people succeed in acquiring our confidence. Despite the odds, it is still possible to have a long and happy marriage. In addition to our reliance on individuals, many of us also have unconditional faith in God or another higher power. If our religious belief is deep enough, even a tragedy in our lives will not damage it. In fact, such an event may even strengthen our faith. Some of us simply find it comforting to rely on our religion during times of adversity because we feel, quite often, that God may be the only true security in our lives.
Our capacity to trust is not only an essential part of our being, it is unavoidable. Even during times of despair, when we believe we have no one whom we can count on, we are certain to be near some source of comfort and reassurance. Our trust and distrust add balance to our lives. We avoid that which may harm us physically or emotionally and are drawn to that which is familiar and worthy of our trust. Trust helps hold relationships together, comforts us during times of need, and most of all, allows us to believe in ourselves.